


Borderline

by thatfakelesbian



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:15:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21655105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatfakelesbian/pseuds/thatfakelesbian
Summary: Nearing graduation, people begin to let out their true feelings.  Stan and Kyle have been together for a year and a half, but someone is getting in the way of that.  Some tough decisions must be made before everyone starts to go their separate ways.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Kudos: 31





	1. It's My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been about 10 years since I wrote my first South Park fan-fiction (I was 13, what the heck - am I old now?) It's also been a while since I decided to write something for fun, and not just for school. This is a rework of a story I wrote around 6 years ago, with a lot of improvements made.

I slowly picked myself up off the couch and placed a half-finished beer on the table next to me. My head was pounding. I hated the taste of alcohol, but it became a sort of social necessity in situations like this. I scanned the room, hoping to lay eyes on Stan, but he was nowhere to be seen. After he had a few beers, I figured he would make his way around and somehow manage to become best friends with everyone at the party.

Meanwhile, I had been sipping on the same beer for two hours, sitting on the stairs scrolling mindlessly through Reddit, and hoping to avoid social interaction as much as I possibly could. I promised I would come here for him. It was the last party before our senior graduation the next Friday and I wanted to make sure I at least showed my face. 

Minutes passed; the music was continuing to blare. I set my phone down next to me and decided I would look for Stan to at least see how he was doing. Token’s house was huge, so I started towards the living room where most of the people seemed to be crowded. Lo and behold, there was Stan, doing a keg stand. 

Some other drunken partygoers set him down and started cheering. He shook the alcohol off his face and let out a prideful “WOOOOOO!” He caught my glance from across the room and stopped everything to stumble over towards me.

“KYLE! Where have you been? Did you see that keg stand I just did? It was like 45 seconds. I think that’s a new record!” I smiled and laughed, and he pulled me in for a hug and tried to kiss my cheek. I was quick to push him away. Drunk Stan is completely unable to hide his emotions, so I discretely took his hand and led him into the backyard. He started laughing uncontrollably the second we stepped onto the back porch.

There were certain parts of myself that I wasn’t ready to share with everyone. People had their suspicions, but nobody really knew. Stan and I had been together for almost a year and a half, and it wasn’t something that I was ready to let the world in on. Though we grew up in an area that was very tolerable, at the end of the day I didn’t feel like it was anyone’s business but ours. 

Stan pulled a nearly crushed pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and began fumbling around looking for a lighter. “Dude, I knew I shouldn’t have let that chick borrow my lighter. It was my favorite one, I’m never getting that back, right?” He put the cigarettes disappointedly back into his pocket, further crushing the pack. “I wish I didn’t care about gender stereotypes so much. I would TOTALLY carry a purse around babe. Women are so lucky. They can carry their whole fucking lives in those things.” 

“If you had a purse, you would probably lose it just like you lost your lighter.” He started hysterically laughing in response. I hated being a buzzkill, but situations like this really made me uncomfortable. I’ve never been one for parties. I didn’t want to take him away from his fun, but I was ready to go home and sleep. “Are you having fun tonight Stan?” That was really all I could muster the courage to say. It was very possible this would be one of the last times we would get to spend this much time with the people we’ve been with since preschool; I wasn’t about to take him away from that. 

“Of course I am baby!” He excitedly exclaimed. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go find a lighter, and I promise I’ll be out in like 5 seconds. Wait here! Okay? I love you Kyle and I want you to know you’re the best boyfriend ever!” He leaned into kiss me again, and after pausing quickly to make sure no one was around, planted his lips right on my cheek. I smiled and told him I would see him soon. He spun around and shot finger guns at me. I reached into my pocket to grab my phone and check the time, but couldn’t find it. After mentally retracing my steps, I remembered setting it down next to me on the stairs before I started searching for Stan.

I stepped back inside, the music seemingly louder before, and started towards the stairs. There, I met eyes with Craig, one of the few people I didn’t mind socializing with. Craig was my closest friend. Aside from Stan, of course, he was someone I could share almost anything with. He smiled and moved over, making room for me to sit next to him. “Were you looking for this?” He asked, holding up my phone. I shook my head.

“I’m such a dumbass.” I took my phone back and laughed quietly. “I swear I’m so bad at keeping track of this fucking thing.” He nodded in agreement.

“Remember that time you left it on the train? We were so lucky that old lady found it. Some fucking kid would have taken it and sold it for weed or some shit.”

“No doubt.” That day we spent in the city is another reason I don’t drink.

He sighed and rested his chin on his hand. With the other hand he held up his finger. “One hour dude. It took her one hour to totally fucking forget I existed. You were right.”

“Am I ever wrong though?”

He punched me in the arm and laughed. He ran his hand through his hair and let out another sigh. “I mean, Wendy cheated on Stan, what, twice? I owe you $20. I caught her fucking some kid from Brighton in her car like an hour ago. She jumped out and tried to explain but I really wasn’t ready to listen to that bitch. She was crying and shit about how she didn’t mean it, but 20 minutes later I saw her drive off with him. It’s not like I thought we were getting married or whatever, but she could have been a civilized fucking human being about ending things. She sent me a whole text about how she didn’t want to be held back while she was in college and she needed to explore her options.”

I put my arm around him for reassurance. “Dude, she’s honestly not worth it at all. I knew it wasn’t gonna work out. I mean, you guys were dating for like 4 months, did you even tell each other that you loved each other yet?”

“No,” he averted his gaze downwards, pausing for a few moments before continuing on, “I think I’m ready to actually start dating guys now. The last four people I dated were women, and it’s never really… felt right.”

When I said Craig and I are really good friends, I meant it. I could have told him my deepest secrets and he wouldn’t have told a single soul. Sometimes I wondered if he knew more about me than Stan did. He told me everything too. It’s always been pretty mutual in that aspect. He had been open with me about him being bisexual, something that he’d been too afraid to even share with his own family at first. He’s out now, but when he first came to terms with his sexuality, I was the only one who knew for a while. However, he didn’t know I was gay. It was a conflicting situation. Though I knew I could trust him with my life, the possibility of other people knowing scared me. I had kept this secret from him for so long, I didn’t know how to begin to let him in on this huge part of my life. 

“I really think you should. To be fair, you don’t have the best taste in women, but I don’t think it would hurt to try out your other options.”

He gave me a soft nod. “I already downloaded Tinder and Grindr. I think I’m ready to convert.”

“I thought I was the dumbass here.”

He laughed and stood up. “I was going to try and socialize a little more since we have the week off from school and I want nothing to do with these people after we graduate, but I think I’m gonna head home. Thanks for letting me vent, Kyle.”

“Of course, you fucking idiot, what else am I here for?” 

He stood up, hugged me, and headed for the door.

After realizing a considerable amount of time had passed, I decided it was best to seek out Stan again and see if he was ready to go home as well. I went back into the living room only to find him sitting on the couch getting a lap dance from some random girl. I rolled my eyes and waited for him to notice me again. “KYYYYLEEE!” He screamed from across the room, running over and hugging me. “I SWEAR on my mother’s GRAVE I thought that was you giving me a lap dance.”

“Are my hips really that feminine?” I joked, “And you know, your mother isn’t dead so that really doesn’t apply, right?”

He started giggling and burped, whispering way too loudly “BABE! I’m so fucking drunk right now. I just wanna take you home and fuck the shit out of you.” His loud whispering caught the attention of some nearby partygoers. I ignored them. 

“Say your goodbyes Stan, I’ll get you home.” 

He made his way around the party and started hugging some friends and other random strangers he had befriended that evening. Before we made our way to the front door, he pulled a lighter out of his pants. Not even the pocket, just straight from his crotch. “MY GREEN LIGHTER!” We stepped outside and he lit a cigarette. I helped him into the passenger’s seat of my car and rolled down the window. “Babe… I had so much fun tonight. Did you have so much fun? I made so many new FRIENDS.” He exclaimed, almost covering himself in ash. “I think I must’ve invited like two thousand people to our wedding.”

“Oh, so we’re getting married now?” I asked with a side smile. 

He stared directly into my eyes, with a look of concern. “Kyle, I love you, I really hope one day we can make it that far. You’re like the best thing that’s ever happened to me! What the heck babe! I couldn’t even imagine- OH MY GOD KYLE LOOK THERES A KITTY OUTSIDE.”

He pointed to a plastic bag sitting in the middle of the road. “That is an adorable cat, but it’s time to buckle up now so we can get you in bed.”

“Oh… I would like to get you into bed too.” He reached over, placing his hand on my thigh. I rolled my eyes again, started the car, and began driving home.

After turning the corner, I noticed Craig walking along the side of the street. I pulled up next to him. “Dude, why the fuck are you walking home?”

“Wendy was my ride.”

“Get in dumbass. I’m obviously gonna drive you home.”

Stan turned excitedly towards the back seat upon Craig’s addition to the vehicle. “CRAIG! Dude I hardly saw you all night. How are you buddy?”

My heartbeat increased slightly at the thought of Stan’s drunken self mentioning something to Craig.

“Oh, I was around, you know.”

Stan continued “Are you also super fucked up? Is that why you’re walking home? I swear I had like a million alcohols tonight.”

“Oh yeah,” Craig lied, “Suuuuuuper fucked up.” Craig and I simultaneously laughed.

Stan began toying with the music, before settling on “It’s My Life” by No Doubt. He loudly began singing along, completely off key. “DON’T YOU FORGET. IT’S MY LIFE. IT NEVER ENDS.” He started laughing at himself, burped and threw his finished cigarette out the window.

Craig shifted in the back seat and rested his head on the window as we continued our drive. 

“PSSSSSSST…. Kyle.” Stan whispered, in what I imagined he assumed was a quiet voice.

“What’s up, Stan?” I asked.

“When we got home are you still gonna let me fuck you really hard, PLEASE?”

“Stan, you’re drunk. Stop being weird,” I directed my voice towards the back of the car, “I swear to god this kid fucking flirts with everyone when he’s drunk.”

I watched Craig raise an eyebrow in the reflection of the rear-view mirror.

“Kyyyyllleee,” Stan wailed, “That’s so mean. I would never cheat on you. I love you.” He promptly started making loud, fake crying noises. I did my best to ignore him by turning up the music. He slapped my hand away and turned it back down, turning his attention once again to Craig. “Craig, Kyle loves me, right? We’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for like 20 years now.”

My heart continued to race, and I hoped the fact that Stan was plastered would make Craig discredit anything he said during his drunken ramblings. Craig laughed and said “Sure thing, I heard you invited a bunch of people to a wedding. Definitely for you and Kyle, right?”

“FUCK YEAH! You’re gonna be there right? We’re getting married tomorrow.” 

“Without a doubt, bud.”

The rest of the drive went fairly smoothly despite Stan’s occasional outbursts when he recognized random strings of lyrics on the radio in songs that he barely knew. We pulled up to Craig’s house and I said goodnight before he hopped out. I scolded Stan the entire ride back to my house, realizing he probably wouldn’t have remembered most of it when he woke up the next morning. My parents were gone for the weekend with Ike so I wasn’t concerned about how loud Stan would be when he entered the house. 

After making our way into my bedroom, Stan did what he said he would do to me in the car. And for some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about Craig.

He was quick to fall asleep right after we fucked. I picked up my phone and searched through my recent text messages, typing out a quick one to my friend.

"Hey Craig, can we meet at Starbucks tomorrow? I want to talk to you."

I set my phone down and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really open to any critiques, I'm sure I can use a lot of improvement. Let me know if you hate it, or let me know if you like it and have any predictions of what you think might happen! I'm also super open to suggestions since it's been a while, anything to get the creative juices flowing. I have a basic idea of what I want to happen in this story but anything can change! Thank you so much if you got this far. <3


	2. Bad Guy

I only managed to get a couple of hours of sleep that night, but I was pretty used to it. With the weeks leading up to graduation, I found myself filled with constant anxiety, which meant that my body didn’t want to let me sleep for more than 6 hours most nights. Shortly after waking up, attempting to go back to sleep, and then realizing that it wasn’t going to happen, I gave into the fact that it was time to get up and attempt to be productive. I rolled over and kissed Stan’s forehead. He would definitely be out for a few more hours. I headed downstairs and grabbed an ibuprofen and a glass of water, knowing he would need them both to help with the wicked hangover he was likely going to wake up with. I brought them back up and placed them on the side table. I hadn’t seen him that drunk in a while.

I collected a few more things from my room, a change of clothes, my cell phone, a charger, and decided it would be best to let Stan sleep for a while. I shut the curtains and took my stuff downstairs. I plugged my phone in, set it on the kitchen counter, and then hopped in the shower, getting rid of the smell of latex and sweat that usually accompanied sex. I made myself a smoothie and some toast while I watched the morning news. It wasn’t something I usually found myself watching but my options were pretty limited at 7 am. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt rush through my body. Anytime I thought about Craig, I couldn’t help but feel like a bad friend for not letting him in.

When I really think about it, it’s so fucking stupid. There’s no reason for him not to know I’m gay. I knew I was going to tell him soon, but the constant ideas of what his reaction might be like played in my head. I felt like I waited too long, and he was going to lose trust in me. When Craig was working on coming out, I was there for him. I told him that he shouldn’t worry about what other people thought, though I was doing exactly that. It’s so hypocritical. But fuck, I mean, I was really just trying to convince myself that it would be okay when I came out too.

Craig. Shit. I remembered that I texted him the night before. I walked towards my phone, took it off the charger, and checked my notifications. He must’ve texted me back right after I fell asleep. 

Call me when you wake up.

I doubted that he expected me to be awake that early, so I just texted him, not wanting to wake him up.

Hey, I know you’re probably still sleeping. But I’ll be free all day, so call me and we can meet up whenever.

I set my phone down and focused my attention back on the television. I figured I had a few hours to myself before he responded or before Stan woke up, considering most people sleep a normal amount of time. About one minute after sitting on the couch, my phone rang. It was Craig. I felt my heart start racing; what was it about phone calls that made me so nervous? Maybe I was just nervous about talking to Craig.

“Hey dude; why the fuck are you awake?” I asked upon accepting his call.

He sounded tired in his response, “I really haven’t been able to sleep since last night.”

“I know the feel.”

“Why are you awake?” He questioned.

I laughed “My anxiety is just awful. It’s like it doesn’t want me to be well rested.”

Craig paused for a moment. It felt like so much longer than a couple of seconds. We weren’t even face to face yet and my cheeks were already turning red, and my leg was shaking. 

“Do you still want to meet up? I could go for some coffee. I don’t think I’m gonna sleep today.”

“Sounds great, wanna meet there in 15?” I asked.

“You got it. See you soon.” He hung up.

I took a deep breath. I wanted to use this opportunity to be upfront with Craig. I hoped that being in an open place would give him less of a reason to freak out. Was that fucked up of me, to try and put him in a situation where he would be forced to hold back his emotions out of fear about how other people might perceive him? Maybe a little bit, but I really didn’t care. 

I went back upstairs to check on Stan one last time before heading out. I then got in the car and headed towards my destination. “Bad Guy” by Billie Eilish started playing about a minute into my drive. Even my fucking radio was mocking me, predicting the anger and hatred Craig might have for me. Who knows? Maybe I would be wrong, maybe he would be understanding of why I was afraid to tell him. But the more likely scenario I kept circling back to was the idea that he would feel betrayed. 

I eventually pulled into the parking lot. Pulling the visor down, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked around to make sure his car wasn’t there yet. I turned back to my reflection. I was such a piece of fucking shit. I removed my keys from the ignition and went inside. I scanned the interior just to be sure he wasn’t there. I purchased both of our coffees and sat down. The least I could do.

I pulled out my phone and distracted myself with Reddit once again. My leg would not stop bouncing. I took a sip of coffee but all it did was further my anxiety. I should have gotten decaf. 

The door opened and there he was. He quickly met eyes with me and smiled, joining me at the table. He looked just as tired as he sounded on the phone. He didn’t look awful, just like he needed some rest. I pushed his coffee towards him. His eyes widened as he excitedly took a sip. I saw a sense of relief and comfort pass over him. Time felt like it was moving slowly again before we exchanged any words with one another.

He broke the silence. “Did Stan get home okay last night?”

I nodded, averting my gaze. “Yeah, I helped him get into bed and shit. He’s probably still passed out.”

Craig laughed and took another sip, seemingly more relaxed each time he picked up his cup. “He seemed pretty fucked up. I don’t think I’ve seen him like that before.”

A smile played my features. I had seen Stan like that on many occasions. Back when I still regularly drank, we would get blackout drunk together all the time. It was not a healthy dynamic, but it made for some really fun sex, but not-so-fun memories. “You know how he gets with parties.”

Craig finally set his cup back down. “He gets really flirty when he’s drunk, huh?”

I felt some heat set into my cheeks; Stan was always flirty. I mean, obviously just with me, he was just less able to control it when under the influence. I didn’t want to continue to lie to Craig, especially when the lies were so unimportant. 

I ignored his question. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

He rose his eyebrow, a look of inquisition spreading over his face. At this point, my cheeks were entirely stained with red. I could feel it all over my face, even on my ears.

“Is everything okay?” He inquired.

I don’t know why I was so overwhelmed with fear, along with many other emotions. My anxiety was at an all-time high, I felt like I might have a heart attack. No, no. I was fine, just a panic attack. I took a few deep breaths and attempted to collect myself. “I’m fine, I’m sorry.”

“Do you wanna go somewhere more private?” He insisted, getting ready to pick up his coffee and phone.

I didn’t want to be alone with him, but I didn’t want to be around all these other people in the midst of a panic attack. I slowly nodded, pulling myself out of the chair. He grasped my arm lightly and brought me in the direction of his car. I instantly started feeling a bit better. He always knew how to make it okay when I got like this. I hated feeling like I was a burden, but he was so comforting. Sometimes I wish Stan was this comforting when my anxiety was bad.

“First,” he said after we got into his car, “stop drinking this.” He took my coffee and set it down. “It makes you get like this sometimes.”

“it’s not just the coffee,” I replied. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

He interrupted me. “Either way, it’s not going to make it any better. It’s only gonna contribute to whatever else is giving you anxiety.”

“You’re right,” I admitted. How did he always know what to do? “Can we drive to the park?”

He agreed that would be a good choice and took us there. We drove in complete silence while I tried to collect myself. You could cut the tension with a knife. When we arrived, I opened the car door and promptly threw up onto the pavement.

He quickly came around, surveying my situation. He reached into the glovebox and pulled out some napkins. He grabbed a water bottle and a mint while I cleaned myself off. “That bad, huh? Something really must be fucking with you, Ky.”

I took a long sip of water and sat down on the curb. He sat down next to me, carefully rubbing his hand on my back. I let out a few tears and took another deep breath.

“Craig, I’m gay.”

I felt his hand stop. Craig’s breathing slowed down. “What?”

“I wanted to tell you a while ago. But the longer I waited the harder it was. I’ve known for a couple of years now.” My throat was closing up. I took a sip of water. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

He moved an inch away from me before speaking again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wasn’t ready. I’m terrified for people to know.”

Craig turned his attention towards the ground. “I’m not just some random person though Kyle. You’re literally my best friend. Maybe I’m not yours, but I tell you everything, I wish it was the same. That’s really disappointing.”

“I’ve told you everything else about me. This was the only thing- “

“Does Stan know?”

“I mean…”

He paused. He seemed genuinely hurt. I could tell he wasn’t mad, but I would have rather him been mad at me than disappointed in me. My heart had not stopped racing for the past 20 minutes, but I felt calmer. That hardest part was over, right?

“I just can’t believe that Stan knows, and I didn’t.” His features softened. “Did you not tell me because of the rumors?”

“What rumors?” I asked.

He sighed and laughed. “Everybody’s fucking heard them, Kyle. That I have a crush on you.” I had heard them before but didn’t pay them any mind. Even if I thought there was a chance they were true, that wouldn’t have stopped me from telling him. It was really just due to my own insecurities.

“No, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about that.”

He threw his head into his hands, letting out yet another sigh. “I had suspicions. I never wanted to assume, but I’ve never seen you show interest in any girl whatsoever. I would have thought you were asexual if you and Stan weren’t so close.” I didn’t make eye contact with him, I had to tell him about Stan too. My anxiety increased once more. I saw him look at me, watching my face for any changes. “Kyle.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “I do have feelings for you.”

I stopped. Fuck. I didn’t want to believe that was true. I carefully moved away. “What?”

“Listen, I mean… it’s not a big deal. Honesty hour, right?” He laughed. “If you didn’t wanna tell me because you were afraid I was gonna pursue something I get it, I mean-“

I stood up. “Dude, no. I didn’t tell you because I was just scared. I’m sorry I didn’t. The only reason Stan knows is because… I’m dating him.”

A blank expression overcame Craig. He refused to make eye contact with me. “Shit.” What was going through his mind right now? He looked fucking sad, but why? He didn’t really like me that much, right? He calmly stood up and got into his car. I joined him, sitting in the passenger’s seat. The second I looked over at him, I noticed his face filled with tears. No noise came out of him, just silence as tears dripped down his face. I wanted to comfort him, but I was mad at him. Maybe I didn’t have a right to be, but I wished I knew how he felt. 

“Craig, I’m sorry. Talk to me.”

He started his car. “I’m in love with you, Kyle. You’re the only person who really knows me. I just wish it could have been different.”

Guilt swept through every single part of my body. I didn’t know it was possible to feel that way. Before I had time to respond, he leaned over and kissed me. I was completely taken aback, but I didn’t pull away. I leaned into his frame, returning the kiss. After a few seconds, I settled back into my seat. I wanted to kiss him again. I couldn’t process all of my emotions. I just cheated on Stan. But Craig kissed me first, maybe it wasn’t my fault. How am I supposed to tell Stan; do I even tell him?

All I could muster the courage to say was, “I’m sorry dude. We can’t talk about this again; can you please take me back to Starbucks?”

I felt awful. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I just wanted to go back to sleep. He gave in and took me to the coffee shop. Our ride continued without a single word exchanged. Craig was my best friend, and I couldn’t see things returning back to normal after this. I got out of his car and went to mine. He pulled up next to me, offering the final word. “It doesn’t have to be weird, okay? We can forget it happened.” 

I verbally agreed but didn’t see that happening. He drove off. When I finally got home, I really wanted a drink and though it had been about 6 months since I actually got drunk, I needed something to make this feeling go away. It was still really early, but I didn’t care. I grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the pantry and mixed it with some ginger ale. After taking a few sips, warmth spread over me. I placed myself on the couch and heard the upstairs door creak open.

Stan.

I downed the glass I poured for myself and quickly made myself another one. I heard him make his way downstairs. I turned the TV on and waited for him. He reached the bottom of the steps and cuddled next to me on the couch. “Good morning,” he cooed, putting his head on my lap. “Thank you for the water and shit. I was surprisingly not hungover when I woke up this morning.”

“That’s good.” I slurred. Shit. It has been so long since I had whiskey. I had the occasional beer here and there. A glass and a half made me already start to feel drunk. Stan picked his head up from my lap.

“Kyle, are you drinking?” He looked confused. “What’s the occasion?”

“Craig.” I answered, reaching over and grabbing my glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can probably tell that this chapter was a little rushed. I was pretty eager to put something out. Again, feel free to leave suggestions. If you like it, please review! If you don't like it, critique the heck out of me! Reviews or feedback of any kind will motivate me to get chapters out more quickly. I want to improve. Within the next day or so I'll probably tear all of my writing to shreds and go back in and edit this chapter. It definitely needs some work. Sorry for any errors in sentence structure, grammar, or spelling. Thank you for reading!!


End file.
